thrash

Night of the Shears (Halloween Single 2018)

Axeslasher - Night of the Sheers - Artwork@0,5x.jpg

At long last, Axeslasher lives!

This Halloween, a brand new recording has surfaced from a band rumored to be comprised of the ghosts of 80s serial killers. The recording, captured by a paranormal investigative club from Denver, CO is allegedly the first clear message delivered to the living from the dead. 

The club’s leader, Justin Lascelle, and his group of friends are claiming to have captured definitive proof that life does not end after death. 

“We used to hang out at Richie’s (Tice, SPEEDWOLF) place in the woods. Smoking weed and reading old issues of Fangoria, Hustler, and Buttman when weird shit kept happening. Cold chills, doors opening and closing, objects moving around the room when you’re not there — you know, typical spooky ghost crap” recalls Lascelle. 

“Joey (Cicak) gets paranoid when we chief too hard and started spinning all these ideas on how to capture these supernatural occurrences. Steven (Jackson, GHOST OF GLACIERS) is all into audio recording and I’m a tech nerd, so we started sketching out plans for devices. Alex (Pace, CALL OF THE VOID) and Richie suited up with baseball bats and hockey equipment and took the entities head-on.”

“From the last week of September until just this week we’ve been studying this presence and recording our findings — what do they want? Why do they haunt? The answers to these questions shocked us” Lascelle told us in-between audible coughs he attributed to recently smoking cannabis concentrate. 

“It turns out the ghosts haunting ol’ Richie’s shed here are the spirits of a band that was trying to make it in the 80s. It’s hard to tell what’s real and fantasy when talking to a being from another realm, but from what I’ve gathered these guys actually killed a lot of people around the US from ‘83-‘86. They probably would have kept on going if they didn’t meet a sudden end up there in Richie’s shed. I guess one night they were meeting for band practice and each guy brought a different cursed object hoping they could draw from their power. According to the band’s frontman, Professor Pizza, between all the whack-a-doo religious stuff they each brought, even they’re not sure exactly which evil binds them to this realm.”

“It turns out these guys fancied themselves some kinda doom-bringers - messengers of evil meant to rid the earth of people that, in their words ‘suck shit.’”

“Shortly explaining this about themselves, the creature's communications changed from conversations to audio signals. At first they were hard to decipher, but we eventually recognized what we were hearing as music. Ripping thrash music. After using a plethora of microphones designed to capture the ectoplasmic wave lengths produced by the instruments of the dead we rushed the recordings to Patrick Bruss at the Filth Chamber for paranormal detangling and a heavy fucking mix down.“

According to Lascelle, the group’s spectral frontman, Professor Pizza, had this to say about the song’s lyrics: “This one goes out to all the lost young men stuck in that time in their lives when no one wants to fuck them or pay them. Everyone goes through that phase, but this song is about those that find comfort in the all too welcoming arms of fascists, white nationalists, and bootlicking chauvinistic men’s fraternities. These groups tried to infiltrate heavy music so many times its not even funny. We kicked their asses in the 80s, and now we’re setting Mr. Scissors loose on them for a ‘Night of the Shears’”

When asked if the group has expressed interest in continuing the recordings with his club, Lascelle replied: “Listen, guys. Professor Pizza is not a nice guy. He’s pure fucking evil. He has this way of... convincing people to do things. I - I don’t want to get into it, but it’s going to be a while before I set foot in that shed again.”

Night of the Shears (2018)

Directed by: Justin Lascelle
Written and Performed by AXESLASHER.
Recorded by: The Denver Boobs and Blood Club at the Haunted Shed in Bailey, CO.
Mixed & Mastered by: Patrick Bruss (CRYPTICUS) at the Filth Chamber in Denver, CO.


Axeslasher is:

Vocals - Professor Pizza
Guitar - Lord Guillotine
Guitar - Dr. Grind
Bass: Mr. Scissors
Drums: Dr. Barbaric